**Note: Please don't inquire about which medications I was on as I've been on about 25 over the past 6 years and don't recall side effects (or no benefit) I had with each.
A few months prior to my onset of Bipolar Disorder, I was initially treated for depression due to being constantly antagonized (not an understatement) by an individual (eventually they were the one that pushed me over the edge).
The medication my General Practitioner had put me on for the depression was not improving my depressive state and I continued to sink lower and lower until my breaking point. I just cope with the abuse any longer.
During my days in the psychiatric unit, they put me on my first "med cocktail" (a combination of more than one medication) that being an anti-depressant, an anti-psychotic, and a mood stabilizer. The first 2 years were a nightmare of adding, removing, upping doses, lowering doses, within that "cocktail", to try and put me on an even keel.
I honestly detested taking my medications but I did know that it was the best for my mental wellness.
Within a 1 year period, I gained 84lbs. I went from 98lbs to 182lbs! Almost doubled my weight! I had not only lost all my flexibility, muscle tone, and stamina, but also my self-esteem.
I was eventually informed that one of the meds I was on (don't ask me which one!) didn't trigger the little switch in my bipolar brain that told me when I was full! I had an insatiable appetite!
I decided it was time to put my life back in my own hands, straighten up my back bone, give myself the kick-in-the-arse, stop whining, and do something about it.
I first set my S.M.A.R.T. weight loss goals (I use this method for most things). Then all I did was change my "eat-every-thing-in-sight" lifestyle to a healthy one! Haha! Not one diet pill, fad, or gimmick. I ate 5 small nutritious meals a day and when I did get the urge to snack I ate 0 calorie fruits and veggies. Oh...and A LOT of water...with lemon slices. One the 1st anniversary of my change in lifestyle I lost 40lbs. By my 2nd anniversary I lost 22lbs bringing me to a comfy 120lbs. Now that my metabolic rate is back up I do have some freedom to enjoy those forbidden tasty treats that I do love.
Back to the search. I will be blatantly honest here. I'm not truly happy. In fact I haven't had a day of sincere happiness since my onset. I wear my mask everyday and it is wearing me out. It sucks. Two months ago, I broke down crying to my psychiatrist that I wanted peace. I hated how I was feeling and I was tired of fighting but promised him that under no circumstances was I going to self harm or end my life. At that moment, I cracked, I was helpless, I was so very tired. Okay Laura, let's look back on what you haven't tried. He prescribed me a new med. All was hunkydory when one month into it I became very physically ill. Apparently it was hyponatremia , a drastic drop in the level of sodium in my blood which caused my blood pressure and pulse to plummet in half over a 2 day period. At the next appointment we tried another new medication. Again, all was fine, until week 3 when I woke up with a full body rash! I have no luck whatsoever. Now, I'm on ANOTHER one and 2 weeks and so far so go. I don't feel any change but no reaction. Let the trials & tribulaltions of "In Search of My Med Cocktail" continue. I will reblog if and when we become successful.
Laura Marchildon will blog honest and true posts about her real life experiences.